Tall Poppy Syndrome | Are you reluctant to talk about real estate property investing with friends and family. If so, you’re not alone!

Written by Michaela Ryan for the February 2007 Australian Property Investor Magazine (www.apimagazine.com.au).

Welcome to Australia – land of the tall poppy syndrome. Don’t we just love to applaud Aussies who’ve become rich or famous … that is, provided they have the right amount of modesty. And you can never have too much modesty, it would seem. So how does a successful real estate property investor fit into a society which worships the idea of being ‘down to earth’? Jan Somers and Margaret Lomas, are both real estate property authors as well as highly successful property investors. Here they share some ideas about managing tall poppy syndrome.

The dilemma about real estate investment properties
Friendships are integral in Australian society, Lomas says. People often build their lifestyles around their friendships. So it’s important to realise that your real estate property investing does have the potential to threaten some friendships. Unfortunately, Lomas has seen it happen to a number of her clients.

“I find that, especially when everyday battlers do really well with real estate property, their friends start to see them a little bit differently. My favourite expression is that in Australia people like you to get ahead, as long as it’s not ahead of them. It’s almost one of those things that keep people back from achieving as much as they possibly could. They’re worried about what their friends may think,” Lomas says. So how can you be successful and keep your friends?

1. Getting your friends involved with investing in real estate properties

Lomas suggests that you could try to get your friends involved in property investing right from the start. “Motivate them before you become successful. Get them committed to and sold on the idea themselves, and do it as a group,” she suggests.

2. The hush-hush approach in real estate investing with friends and family

Another option is to keep quiet about your achievements. “some of my clients don’t event ell their friends what they’ve achieved,” Lomas says. “That’s very sad, that you can’t talk about success because then people do think that you’re boasting or bragging… And we often hear the expression, ‘Oh they think they’re too good for us now’.”

While Lomas feels it’s a shame for people to play down their real estate success, Somers is more accepting of it. “That’s just life,” she says. It’s just a social skill. You don’t want to intimidate people. You don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.”

Somers knows this from personal experience. “When we started to invest in the ‘70s in real estate properties,” she recalls, “I thought it was such a great idea, I used to tell everyone. It probably took 10 years or so to realise it felt like I was selling Amway. The response was sometimes a bit cool.”

People would often infer that Somers’ success had been thanks to good luck, or good timing, rather than any hard work or effort. They’d explain away their own inaction by saying: “Weren’t you lucky you bought when things were cheap?”

Somers would respond, “Well, you can do it too,” and she’d see them back-pedalling, “as though I was trying to sell them a concept.” In time, Somers grew tired of what she calls cross between tall poppy syndrome and Amway syndrome. “I take reverse view on real estate investing now. I don’t talk about real estate property at all. I suppose I’ve become older and wiser and now I can see people are just different. They just don’t want to do it and they don’t want to talk about it. And they don’t want to feel intimidated by it.”

Somers still jumps at the chance to help someone with a specific enquiry about property real estate investing. She’s just extremely unlikely to be the one to bring up property real estate in a social situation. “I think there’s only a tall poppy syndrome if you’re there talking about it, and you’re flaunting your wealth. If you flaunt it then you’re going to get knocked down,” she suggests.

“If you turn up at Woolies, like I do, in thongs and shorts, there’s no tall poppy syndrome at all.” She concedes, “There is a tall poppy syndrome in real estate investments where some people will unjustly be dragged down. But in most cases it’s probably self-inflicted.”

3. Being selectively quiet about real estate investments

A small number of your friends might be excited about property and investment in properties. So it can’t hurt to ‘test the waters’.

When you come across someone who’s into real estate property, it’s usually pretty obvious. They’ll want to hear all about your investing real estate strategy and they’ll be happy to reciprocate with details about their properties, and their future investment plans.

Of course, there will always be people who aren’t interested in property. And there’ll always be people who are insecure about your success. If you value your friendships with these people, you might have to accept that you’re better off not to mention real estate investing around them.

4. Seeking out like-minded people

If your friends and family just aren’t interested, why not seek out new people? “We truly have a lot of success when we’re motivated and supported by people hwo think like we do,” Lomas says. Some investment real estate advisory companies have real estate focus groups where clients can get together and talk freely about their real estate investments. It’s a great way to stay motivated and to learn from other people’s experiences in investing in real estate. And you’re likely find plenty of people who are happy to celebrate your successes with you. You can also meet other property investors by attending real estate seminars. (If you’re not sure about the presenter’s reputation, search the internet and see what you can find out about their background).

Alternatively, if you already know of one or two like-minded people, you can always set u your own interest group. One real estate investor we profiled in API a couple of years ago did this very successfully. Before he knew it, tea and bickies at the mate’s place turned into a big scale affair with guest speakers at a local community hall.

5. The ‘who cares’ approach in investing

You’ve done well with your investments in real estate and your want to spoil yourself with a better lifestyle. A new home, car or boat. Perhaps a new school for the kids. At this point, a visible gap might open up between you and your friends. Tall poppy syndrome might kick in.

Let’s assume you’re not carrying on like an egotistical jerk, and therefore the tall poppy syndrome is unwarranted. You’ve worked hard and now you’re reaping the rewards in real estate investments. Should you really care about the opinions of people who’d prefer you to be less successful, because that would suit them better?

Lomas jokes, “I think (investors in real estate) should say, “I couldn’t care less what anybody thinks’, because I would rather be old with fewer friends, than old (and) poor with lots of friends.”

Lomas doesn’t mince her words, but she makes a reasonable point. Sometimes it’s probably worth asking whether it’s worth continuing a friendship with someone who can’t be happy for you when you do well.

Life’s easier if you can be authentic in your real estate dealings with other people. If real estate property is a big part of your life, it’s hard to constantly hide that. And it’s also hard to hid the fact you’ve accumulated significant wealth. Arguably, you’re doing no-one a favour if you keep hiding your real estate investment success from others.

In the oft-quoted words of author Marianne Williamson: “You’re playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you … And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

A word on investing in real estate with families

In an ideal world, your family would be thrilled to hear about your capital growth and your increased rental yield in real estate investments. But in reality, a lot of the discussion in this article about friendships applies equally to family members. Some will be supportive, but you can’t expect everyone to be.

Somers says she’s even less likely to talk about real estate property with her family than she is with friends. “I just don’t bring it up at all,” she says. “It’s just not something I feel as though I want to impose on people.” Somers also feels there’s no need to tell people- even family members – how many real estate properties she and her husband own.

It’s enough is the answer she gives if asked. They’re aware of how well you’ve done and there’s no need to rub their noses in it.

Of course, like anything, its about assessing the relationship you have with a particular family member before deciding how open you can be about your real estate investing. So long as you’re careful who you talk to, and even then you try to keep your ego in check, you can’t go too far wrong.

Dealing with Misunderstandings in Real Estate Investing

It’s possible that people around you don’t understand how real estate property investing works. There might be some occasions when you’re better off setting them straight.

For example, property investors in real estate often comment that their friends think they must have large piles of cash sitting around.

People aren’t always aware that net wealth doesn’t necessarily equate to a large bank balance. If you’re highly geared, you might actually have less cash flow than your non-investing friends and family for quite a few years.

Just be prepared for people who “joke” that the drinks should be on you because you’re doing so well in your real estate property investing.